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posted 06/08/2009 Little Johnny’s hockey parents must face reality
Bucky Gleason
Updated: 01/11/09 6:47 AM
Buffalo Sabres defenseman Craig Rivet has been in town for only a few months, but it’s safe to assume that he knows a thing or two about hockey. It certainly didn’t take his teammates long to realize he was a voice of reason. Almost immediately, they embraced his credibility and named him captain.
Rivet is an honest player, an honest guy. You can ask him a vague question, and he’ll straighten you out with the answer. That’s what made it so refreshing last week when he started speaking about delusional youth hockey parents.
Are you one of them? Hockey parents for years have had a reputation for being over the top, but it appears to be getting worse. For all the good Blackhawks winger Patrick Kane brought to the region over the past two years, his success could very well be the worst thing to happen to a growing population of parents who think Little Johnny is the next one.
I’m not trying to squash the dreams of kids, who should pursue their goals so long as they’re enjoying the game. This is for parents who believe they serve breakfast to future Division I players or NHL prospects without having a clue what it takes to get there.
Here’s an invitation to reality. Twenty-two players from Western New York are playing Division I hockey. It appears to be an impressive number, but is it?
It’s less than 1.5 percent, three of every 200. Basically, your kid needs to be one of the top players in his age group across the entire region to play D-I, assuming you didn’t suffocate his passion before high school. By the way, of the 22, many were given only partial scholarships, some none at all.
You think Little Johnny is going pro? Think again. High school players alone are in the minority, and less than one in 300 will be drafted by an NHL team. More than 200 players are selected every year in the draft, but only about 40 will ever reach the NHL.
Mr. Rivet, your thoughts.
“The most important thing is, ‘Are they having fun?’ ” he said. “Parents have a feeling that, ‘My kid is 9 years old, he scored 67 goals in 40 games, and he really has a shot at the big leagues.’
“No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t have a shot. It’s a world hockey league. You’re picking out of millions of kids. You have to be lucky. You have to be in the right situation at the right time. You have to move up a hundred different levels. Believe me, they’re not going to make it. I’m telling you.”
At least that’s the message for parents while they use hockey to teach their kids life lessons about discipline, effort, teamwork — qualities that can help them in the real world. The goal should be raising good people who love the game, not players to live for the game.
You ask players around the league whether their parents led them to the NHL, and most would laugh in your face. Almost all played the game simply because it was fun until they reached the best travel league in the world. They didn’t have parents breathing down their necks on the drive to Slap Shot Camp.
“My dad was the type of dad who sat in the stands, he was alone, he didn’t say too much,” Rivet said. “He wasn’t one of the screaming parents yelling at his kids to skate. The thing I remember after a game was he would say, ‘The effort needs to be there because if the effort isn’t there, you’re wasting your time and my time. I don’t care if you score the big goal or make the big play. I want you to work.’ ”
Sorry, I can’t give you any flashy statistics that outline how many times parents bang on the glass or scream obscenities from the stands or have Little Johnny bawling in the car. I can only offer what my eyes and ears have told me over the past several years in local rinks.
Understand, most parents are realistic. But too many believe they have the next Kane, Kennedy or Kaleta. I’ve had strangers ask me for breakdowns on their prepubescent kids, wondering if they have a shot. Are you kidding?
Just last week, my wife and I watched a father pull his son off the ice and scold him during a learn-to-skate program at Leisure Rinks.
Earlier this season, a father pulled his 12-year-old son from an out-of-town tournament after one game and shipped him home because he wasn’t playing to his potential. Potential, at 12? Forget that it was utterly disrespectful to his volunteer coach. What heartwarming message did it send? You’re a failure, so you’re done. Quitting on your team is fine, son, because this is about you.
“You can’t force them because eventually it’s just going to backfire. They’re going to quit,” Rivet said. “You have to have a passion for wanting to do something physical, having fun and using up energy. You have to want to do that. You can give them the opportunity, but I don’t think my parents whatsoever pushed me to do anything.”
The best players are the ones who have an immeasurable desire for the game, who practice alone, who are blessed with off-the-charts instincts and an unbreakable competitive spirit. They possess the rarest of qualities that can only be found from the neck up, not the shoulders down.
Kane’s father spent some $200,000 on his son’s career, took several financial risks along the way, allowed his son to leave home at age 14 and quite possibly had him on the ice more than anyone in local youth hockey history. FYI: 999,999 kids would have quit. Kane, who once had 100 goals and 200 points in one season as a kid, was the one in a million who didn’t burn out.
“For every Patrick Kane, there are 50 million who didn’t make it,” Rivet said. “If you think your kid is going to be one of 50 million, play the lottery. You have a better chance of winning that.”
If that’s you, good luck.
